Doing, Horror, Reading, Making and Stuff

Image taken using the kids watch cam built in reflection in water filter, it's a view of the 'scarey corner'*  bit of St George's Field, I took it earlier this month and then post processed it to monochrome. 

image of main avenue linking the two halves of Sheffield Cemetery together - taken in February this year whilst we were there celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. I was using my 'proper'  point and shoot digital camera for this and post processed the image to monochrome.

screenshot of my contribution s to the House of Smalls last 3 exhibitions highlighted for International Womens Day earlier this month  - you can see mine and other artists work at their website thehouseofsmalls.art  

So it's a few weeks since I last wrote full of the good intentions of a new year and a new start and some things for the new year have been good but some things have been and continue to be dreadful - namely the ongoing Russian invasion of Ukraine, the ongoing massive rise in numbers of  Covid infections, the massive cost of living increases in the UK of basics like gas, electric, fuel, food and the fact that our binfire of a corrupt government continues to do little to ameliorate any of those things.

I feel quite powerless, helpless and hopeless in the face of such power and corruption so I remain incredibly grateful that for the time being at least I am very fortunate in terms of my personal circumstances and can retreat to a world of thinking, making, horror of the made up and easily vanquished enjoyable kind, fiction, going to the gym and going for walks in the green spaces that I am so lucky to live close to. 

I've been thinking again about photography and my relationship with it, it remains the main way I express myself, the main way I see the world and try to make sense of it. I am still very much enjoying using the kids camera watch and experimenting with its inbuilt filters as well as the post processing I can add to such images using basic image software that comes as part of the windows operating system. Photoshop remains an unwieldy unuser friendly beast to me though I do use and love GIMP photo-editing software sometimes. 

I also love the fact that although in some ways my kids digital watch camera is completely impractical it's also so very portable and easy to either wear on my wrist or stick in my pocket (along with the now obligatory for me hand sanitiser, tissues, non smart small brick mobile phone, mask) - it makes me sad to think that the days of just leaving the house with a packet of tissues and little fear of what you might encounter out there are long gone and lost forever.

I don't so much have FOMO ('fear of missing out') at the moment but more FONBATDTIUTDEA (the much more unwieldy fear of 'never being able to do things I used to do easily again') -  for example I haven't sat in anywhere to eat or drink coffee in over 2 years as my favourite places to do that have either been closed or my anxiety at the thought of being in an enclosed indoor space with others has far outweighed my desire for the food or the coffee. I'm lucky in that I can get and have had take-aways but it's not quite the same. See also for me - in person film showings, in person gallery visits and going round friends houses.

I think more than anything I am missing spontaneity and tiring of the extra steps I feel are necessary in order to do anything with the least amount (but still a considerable level) of anxiety on my part that involves being around other people. I am hoping this will begin to lessen though as I am taking steps to step out of and widen my comfort zone each week. They make look like tiny steps to others - like sitting in the local library for 10 minutes but they are big ones for me and fingers crossed they will work and I won't catch anything debilitating in the process.

I've been doing a lot of reading recently - I remain completely in love with Shirley Jackson and all her work and am currently very much enjoying The Sundial though its end of the world apocalyptic focus of the main characters is a little bit too uncomfortable at times (especially the decision to take books from the library shelves and burn them so the shelves can be used to store canned food instead) but it is also an exquisite comedy of familial rivalries and etiquette.  That's my serious book for the moment, my not so serious more brain bubblegum book that I've got on the go is The Dark Angel by Elly Griffiths which I am enjoying so far. I really enjoyed The Stranger Diaries by her earlier this year so am now eyes peeled for works by her when I dare venture into a charity shop. 

I'm also re-reading Camera Lucida by Roland Barthes - a booked beloved by philosophers and academics for its clever thought provoking insights into the nature of photography and its relationship with the dead but also a beautifully heartwarming and poignant book too. Then it'll be Margaret Bourke-Whites biography 'Portrait of Myself' - a book I ordered from the library after seeing the following quote from her on a photography page on Farcebook ' saturate yourself with your subject and the camera will all but take you by the hand'.  I'd never heard of her before then but I am finding out more about her and her incredible work now.    

I think I watch more horror  (as a genre rather than just how the news can be described, though I mostly just read headlines now as otherwise it's just too depressing) than I read of it and I am especially enjoying the horror offerings on Talking Pictures TV (channel 82 on Freeview) on a Friday night from 9pm. 

Introduced by the delectable Caroline Munro they are an excellent mix of obscure and not so obscure, british and american, pre and post 2nd world war films - some excellent and some whilst not excellent very entertaining nonetheless. There is a tweet along under the hashtags #cellarclub or #thefilmcrowd and it is so lovely both to see the films and appreciate with other like minded fans and laugh about their absurdities or laud their insights or just swap bits of nerdy trivia (like one of the meths drinkers in Theatre of Blood (1973) Stanley Bates also played Bungle in Rainbow and was bound over to keep the peace after a road rage incident in March 2001. The role of women in these films (as in all genres) varies from decoration to main character, from dreadful inaccurate stereotypes to iconoclastic leaders. It is a highlight of my week in these ongoing disturbing and distressing times.

Image-wise I'm currently working on putting together images made with my watch cam into a photobook, am still deciding on whether to do this in chronological order or locations or themes or some combination of all three. This week I have also been doing some thinking about photography itself as a medium, its relationship to the dead and rekindling some of my old formal research interests. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that something good will come of this. I'm still knitting too as I still find it quite meditative and calming - a kind of beta blocker in yarn form. 

I'm also enjoying seeing robins in particular when I'm out for a walk and it makes my day if I see one. The folklore is that robins contain the souls of dead loved ones and so seeing one is meant to be a good omen. I try not to be superstitious and I know that they do not actually contain the souls of dead loved ones, however I'm always pleased and cheered if I see one when I'm out and about as it makes me feel like my Dad is near - even though I know in reality he isn't and cannot be. 

*so called because it is the only part of the space where I have felt unnerved even though the circumstances which led to me feeling like that were entirely coincidental or had some actual physical cause.