MA-Ness Year 2 Term 1 Week 8 - Death, Dissertation, Discomfort, Donkey Work, Delight of Dismal Weather

Ongoing experiments with trying to extract pigment from flowers - not very successful in terms of colour but am liking the stains left by the petals and stalks and have painted them with matte gloss this time to fix them.

this weeks post it note and notes including a quote from a quote from a character in Murder She Wrote -a clearly inspired by Tenessee Williams alcoholic southern writer who said 'it's art, Jessica, it has to end badly'.  

Image from a pre Halloween shoot at Temple Works using my favourite prop -the many skulled silvery skull I got from TK Maxx many moons ago and how I wish I'd bought the other one at the time and one of those changing light sabre toys that were being sold at Light Night - it changes colour and is really good for making light paintings - not quite as bright as sparklers or burning wire wool but with much less of a fire risk and different colours too.

My work is mostly inspired by death - either in terms of the images that I like and inspire me (skulls are a recurring motif) but I am also a massive fan of old graves and graveyards, victorian mourning culture, anatomical drawings - especially the work of Andreas Vesalius whose allegorical posing of skin stripped figures I adore. These are just a few of the things that I love to look at and read about.  But I am aware that this is not everyone's cup of tea and that some people are actually frightened by it. But as it what I surround myself by I am inured to the symbols of it - I even wear a silver coffin on a chain around my neck which opens to reveal a little skeleton and a lot of the jewellery I wear has skulls on it too.

But to quote a famous line 'in the midst of life we are in death' - which I thought was from the Bible and was also almost used by Morrissey in a Smiths song (Sweet and Tender Hooligan has the line 'in the midst of life we are in debt...etc')but tinternet searching tells me it actually comes from the anglican Book of Common Prayer and never has it felt truer than in the last few months and years. The latest untimely and heartbreaking death is that of my youngest sister in law. And it brings home painfully to me that what I use as artistic inspiration and subject matter - especially from the victorian era - was also likely to be the source of someone else's heartbreak and distress.

Wonderful books like JS Curls The Victorian Celebration of Death, or J Morleys Death, Heaven and The Victorians focus almost exclusively on the aesthetic,fashions and their origins, the growth of the funeral industry but the pain of loss, the grieving process (if it can be called a process as process makes it sound clean and clinical and controllable and it is none of those things) are left out. Of all the books I've read so far on the memorialisation and commemoration of the dead only one explicitly look at this in connection with the monuments left behind - Bereavement and Commemoration: An Archaeology of Mortality by Sarah Tarlow mentions the pain and distress too and how not only were monuments indicative of the wealth and culture and technology of the society they lived in - but also an expression of love and admiration by their loved ones too.

Also on my reading list is The Secret Cemetery by Doris Francis, Leonis Kellaher and Georgina Neophytou but that is a book less about the aesthetic and more about the behaviour. It does have an especially beautiful picture of a memorial on its cover - a kneeling supplicant woman on rocks next to what looks like a carved verse from the bible under a draped cross. It's a memorial in Abney Park according to the cover - really makes me want to go and visit it.

I must also learn to read dates carefully - I think I've said this before but I am a bit rubbish with numbers which is part of the reason I struggle with the more technical discussions of photography as 'sunny 16' is about as technical as I can grasp - and I misread the dates and info on one of my favourite graves at St George's Field - that of gentleman Francis Henry Vant whose death is 'deeply regretted' - he died on August 28th 1875 and I misread that as he died aged 28. He didn't he was 56 when he died but I somehow transposed the numbers. Thankfully no-one noticed my mistake when I talked about his grave at What Lies Beneath - but I need to get someone else to check my maths if it comes to actually publishing these papers. My substantive point re his memorial still stands but I don't want to get caught out by making mistakes like that.

I asked my husband if he wanted me to hide all the stuff that references death that is around the house, and not to talk about the work I'm doing or the stuff I'm involved with in case it further upsets him, he said no. But I will bear it in mind more closely over the next few weeks as my going 'wow' at an especially impressive monument or exclaiming my delight in learning a new post mortem fact might be insensitive.

When a good friend died unexpectedly a couple of years ago I remember another friend saying that at our age this is what we have to look forward to - the loss of loved ones. It made me wince - I am lucky that I still have both my parents around and all my siblings but it does make me feel like stamping my feet like a teenager and saying 'it's not fair' and retreating to my room and playing music very loudly. The advance of years makes me look back on my teenage and early twentied self and think 'yep' - there were problems at the time but here is how to deal with them and I would swap those problems for the heartbreak of recent times in an instant.

I used to collect grave poetry and I still do - but now I make a note of the person whose grave it has come from - it seems only manners to make a note of their name and details when I might use the poem dedication as inspiration for something of my own. I feel a little bad that two of the images I have used the most - an angel from a grave in Cleethorpes I didn't make a note of the names, though the other image was an anonymous bunch of daffodils secured to a bench in St Marys Churchyard Whitby. In the same way that I  need to acknowledge references and sources in my dissertation - I need to do the same with my photographic work too. Sometimes the statues I picture have a name of the artist/worker who created them but not always but it should be possible to work out as most cemeteries have an attached stonemason that you have to use so even if I cannot credit the individual worker I could credit the firm.

And speaking of dissertations - had a meeting with one of my tutors on it last week and got some useful feedback and pointers on how to take it forward but I am finding it a hard slog at the moment - same as this blog (a condition I refer to as blog slog) and I am going to have to apply the same determination to get it done as I do to this blog...but right now I'm struggling with finding that determination and an advancing deadline isn't helping either as it is still too far away to make me really panic...but annoyingly it is near enough to make me anxious. Especially if I want to keep up my score when it comes to marking...

I have done some reading and planning and come up with a sort of title and chapter headings but I have yet to put fingertip to keyboard - though I have put pen to paper. I really must transfer those notes into legible typed sentences soon though. Especially as my days are full over the next few days with other stuff and it'll be a while til I can fully concentrate on it again.

The discomfort in the title isn't related to my subject matter as such but to my feet and suffering for my art earlier this week when taking advantage of the mist and murk and taking photos in both St Matthews Cemetery in Chapel Allerton and St George's Fields. I set off in my pink fake DM's forgetting that they are only fit to last for one winter before cracking and letting in water and after half an hour of tromping about on the wet grass I had feet that could best be described as 'swampy' but it was worth it though as I got some pics I am well chuffed with - used 35mm b+w film - one roll was the stuff packaged and sold by First Call Photographic and the other was Ilford Pan 400. Took pictures of my favourite graves and views and am looking forward to getting some of them printed up. Especially as it's looking like I might be having a solo exhibition in the New Year and so feel the need for new images - watch this space for further details.

I will have to get another pair of winterproof boots...

Donekywork is how that side of things feels a bit at the moment - ie repetitive and not very rewarding unlike taking pictures - which I am enjoying doing. Have taken lots over the last couple of weeks. Am enjoying using the crap kids digital as well as the canon I got for a fiver from the charity shop and I got my husband a lovely old bakelite camera which takes 127 film last week. Not that being bought an old camera would take away the pain of losing his sister but  because I thought it would bring a smile to his face temporarily and he could have fun using it in the future so it would be worth it.

I don't like weather like this (ie foggy as fuck)  when it causes accidents or interferes with people's travel plans but I do love it when it comes to taking photographs - as it makes everything look so creepy and murky - I finished off a roll of film this morning whilst on a mist infused walk round the bridlepath but as I took those on poundshop colour film I'll have to wait to get them developed to see them.

Earlier this week the computer decided to have one of its hissy fits and in spite of the green light flashing on the tinternet booster signal thingy that sits on top of one of the speakers (if it's flashing it means the tinternet is working) and the tinternet working on the tablet thingy it insisted that the tinternet was down. And so I couldn't do what I normally do which is have social media channels open at the same time as I sit at the computer working and so I had to completely concentrate upon the tasks in hand as opposed to flitting from one site to another when I get bored. Instead I had to concentrate on what I was doing - namely some dissertation prep and catching up with updating my bibliography and lists of films watched and books read. So much so I'm almost completely up to date with it - just got the wonderful Tiger Lillies performance to add. Saw them on Halloween at the Howard Assembly Rooms. And very marvellous they were too.

I'd never seen them before but had heard of them and got tickets because a) I'd heard chums speak highly of them and b)  they were doing the songs of Cole Porter and I love Cole Porter songs. They made wonderful versions of them - they had an electric double bass, a theremin, a piano accordion, a home made banjo, a grand piano and best of all a saw and a vocalist whose strange strong falsetto was entrancing to listen to. I absolutely adore the sound of the saw and their versions of Love For Sale, Anything Goes highlighted the seedier more depressing aspects of those songs. Utterly enchanting mix of pathos, filth and humour and we got a cd afterwards (I'm not a download type person) - and the Tiger Lillies signed it too. I really like being able to buy work direct from the artist. Going to go and listen to it now.    

MA-Ness Year 2 Term 1 Week 2 Flowers, Tea Toning, Reading, John Waters and Successful Academic Hoop Jumping.

this weeks post it notes - as you can see lots going on

Cyanotypes in progress - taking advantage of the strong sunshine in the bathroom
pic on the left is of rubbings from a grave in St George's Field, pic on right is a still from Becketts Park Cemetery

washing, bleaching, tea-toning, washing in action - there are lots of uses for litter trays that don't involve cats bottoms
(these are brand new litter trays bought especially for tea toning)

experimenting with arresting decay of petals using gloss medium as a preservative - painted these a few days ago and they seem to be holding up okay so far...

It's been a very busy week and it was crowned by finding out on Friday that I had been successful in my academic hoop jumping so far as I got a distinction for the last module I handed in and a distinction for the first year overall. To say I am pleased is somewhat of an understatement - not least because it confirms that I am on the right path for jumping those academic hoops but also because it makes the possibility of further study as in a phd a more realistic prospect. Plus my self confidence work-wise can be shakey - especially when looking at other peoples and imposter syndrome rears its ugly head so this is a very welcome confidence boost too.

My giddiness and relief was celebrated by going to watch Henning Wehn at City Varieties who was very funny (I was unsuccessful in my quest for tickets to the John Waters Q+A at the BFI or else I would have been there being all fan girly) and this was followed by much fizz (too much in fact and I spent most of yesterday somewhat regretting my previous nights enthusiasm for said fizz) and a rewatching of one of my favourite Hammer films - Dracula AD 1972 which is wonderfully bad and whose soundtrack I can often be found listening to.

So along with drinking my bodyweight in fizz what else was I up to last week? as you can see from the pics above I was taking advantage of the strong sunshine and developing some cyanotypes which I then toned in tea (thought I'd used yorkshire tea but realised afterwards it was trose own label decaf - must use yorkshire next time and more teabags - this was 4 in a big teapot and next time I think I'll use 5) after a few seconds (up to 30) in a bleach solution (1 tablespoon washing soda crystals to a litre of water). I am fairly pleased with the results though sadly one picture tore as I was washing it. I was a bit surprised as this was on watercolour paper and the one I did on lined notebook paper lasted better though I didn't wash that one for as long just in case.

I left these in the sunshine for over an hour which I think on reflection was far too long - think 45 minutes would have been more than enough (but I struggle with the fear that they won't be developed enough...)  but I'm pleased with the tone they've taken on with the tea. One MA colleague asked if one was a drawing as it looks like one. I usually colour photocopy them too and I am happier with the colour photocopies than with the originals. Will have to re-read Benjamin's Art In The Age of Mechanical Reproduction to see what he has to say about such matters as IIRC his piece was more about the value of pieces as opposed to aesthetic changes but I have read lots since I read it so it's all gone a bit hazy and muddled in my mind....

Anyway the colour photocopies look to me like pictures you find in old text books, I won't put pictures of them on here as I'm reluctant to put pictures of the finished items without watermarks but equally watermarks change the look of the piece in a way I don't like so mmm, will have a to find a way round that one. It's not a problem handing it in to be marked though (which is the primary purpose of this blog - it's my research journal to hand in) so I think I'll just do that...as well as add re-read of WB to my to do list.

I've been doing lots of reading this week too - as well as watching photobooks being skimmed through on Vimeo. It's not very satisfactory as you can't really see in good clear close up definition but it's good enough to give you a feel for the piece and what it encompasses - in this way I've watched/skimread/seen Tulsa by Larry Clark and The Ballad of Sexual Dependency by Nan Goldin as both works were mentioned in Art and Death by Chris Townsend which I finished and took back to the library on Friday. Hurrah - along with a wonderful book called Red which features some of the eerie, unsettling, beautifully moving work by Ralph Eugene Meatyard (what a fabulous name for a start!!) and another book called Death which was actually the catalogue from the exhibition of the same name held at the Media Museum in 1995*. You can see a copy of it here.

All were thought provoking and inspiring and have given me much food for thought and other artists work to look at and explore. They have also given me a sense of 'argh, there is so much I want to read and comparatively little time in which to do it'....especially as my priorities must be over the next few weeks:
exhibition Out Of The Shadows
paper for What Lies Beneath Conference
Dissertation

Though I have made a start for all of theabove - the latter two are more started than the first one though which is something I hope to remedy this week. I also want to keep up the balance I've had so far of healthier eating/exercise and time off so I am trying to plan my use of time better - getting reading sorted for journeys so that travelling time (I cannot drive and so either walk to places or use public transport) can also be utilised. I've got an article entitled 'International Art English' by Alix Rule and David Levine bookmarked for a train journey this week - which one of the librarians suggested might be of use to me when he overheard me talking about my dissertation topic to one of the other librarians.  I've found the library staff at the college to be unfailingly helpful - either with book suggestions, helping me learn how to copy onto acetate and fixing the copier when it jams on me which thankfully hasn't happened for a while...or with getting hold of books for me. The latest being Secure The Shadow by Jaye Ruby. My rule re books are if it's around a tenner on Amazon I'll buy it - anymore than this and I'll get it from the library and then if it is worth buying saving up for it. Secure The Shadow is around £200 a copy so a library copy will do just fine.

I also need to start narrowing down exactly what projects I'm going to work on as I am still a bit kid in a sweetshop and I need to decide which ones I should (no pun intended) focus on. I am enjoying my experimentations with flowers though. I am using gloss medium in an attempt to stop them decaying and it's kind of working so far - but what I am more pleased with are the glossed decayed remains of petals I have photocopied using a black and white copier and which now look like pencil line drawings.

John Waters has been a recurring theme this week (as ever) as I listened to a Q+A session he did with Jeff Koons (which you can see here) at the Orpheum Theatre in Los Angeles in 2014 whilst waiting for my cyanotypes to develop. It was Jeff Koons comment that 'art happens inside the viewer' that reminded me that however much you try to guide a particular reaction in a viewer of your work it is absolutely ultimately up to the viewer. This also chimes in with John Waters seeming view that it is other people who ascribe the accolade 'artist' rather than yourself. I also listened to the interview he did with Graham Norton on Radio 2 yesterday (which you can hear here) in which he revealed that he has a cameo in the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie which I am going to have to go and see as a result.  Plus one of my lovely fellow MA-ers got to see  his show in London and brought me back one of the promotional posters which features him as he see himself if he had gone in for botox, surgical facelifts and use of 'improbable brown' hairdye. I shall have to find a space to put it on the wall.
   
Plus both interviews also highlighted for me one of the aspects of artwork that I struggle with - namely my gut reaction either when viewing or making a piece of work and the post viewing/post making intellectualisation of it. My gut reaction happens first - on a very basic level 'do I like this enough to look at it for longer/more closely' and then the intellectualisation happens and I struggle with that as it's that with its jargon that I think can put people off looking at work or wanting to take part. Mmm I need to think this through a bit more...which is just as well as that's what my dissertation is going to be looking at.

Aside from cyanotyping I've not taken many pictures this week - though I did take some on my crap kids digital camera on the way home including one of Leeds Town Hall which I am very chuffed with - partly because the building has a soft spot in my heart as not only is it a fine example of victorian civic architecture but also where me and my husband got married. I am loving the lomo-ness of the camera and its limitations and my husband also really likes the pic as the way the colour has come out makes it look like an old postcard. I'm especially pleased about this as I adore old postcards - especially ones from the fifties, sixties and seventies with their slightly overdone optimistic febrile colourtones.

Something else I have been doing a lot this week is learning new words and phrases - or rather writing them down once I have looked them up in the hope that this way their definition will stick and here's some of my favourites from the last week:

aspersorium - medieval term for container of holy water
ontological - concerned with metaphysics and nature of being
prolepsis - answering questions in rhetorical speech or a representation of something before it has happened eg he was a dead man when he entered the room
aposiopesis - short break for effect 
caesura - point of natural pause
mise en abyme - literally placed in an abyss but used to describe repeating reflections between two mirrors
preterite - past tense
sedulous - persevering, diligent
aporia - irresolvable internal contradictions eg a liar declares all liars are liars

to name but a few...

No wonder it has felt like my brain has been bleeding this week...and it can only get more intense....


* I know I need to get into the habit of Harvard Referencing and I do when I write my bibliography when handing stuff in but I've yet to find a way to make it seem less clunky in this blog....which again makes me think who am I writing it for and why am I writing it - if it is for research journal purposes then why do I wish to make it less clunky as it is only going to be read by academics and they're used to clunky..or is it because I'd also like it to be read by non academics too and I would hence my reluctance for what I see as clunkiness...

MA-Ness Term 3 Week 1 - Lumen Adventures, Do Things Look Better In Colour and Reading

another purloined college of art post it note

Well back to college with a bang this morning - lectures as such don't start again for me til the end of the week but I thought I'd go in and get some printing and acetate copying done and the computer drop in room was packed - though thankfully there was one spare desk/computer so I was able to get all the stuff done I wanted to - namely copies of lumen prints I'd been experimenting with in photoshop.

I never thought I'd see the day when I began using photoshop so casually.  Partly because it is a potentially expensive piece of software and I would rather use more open source more easily available image manipulation software (I do still use the very simple but gets the basic job done Microsoft Viewer that comes as part of the Windows operating system so at least once you can afford a windows computer you have no further outlay - other than your leccy bill that is) but also because I think it can make people lazy - I often hear people say 'oh, it's not quite straight - oh well I'll sort that in post production' and I think 'NO - why not just take a more straight picture in the first place?'

But this probably also has lots to do with the way I take photos - my enjoyment (and frustration) is in taking or making the picture in the first place - not beggaring about with it afterwards on the computer aside from maybe a bit of cropping and brightness/contrast adjusting. I could think of nothing more boring than slowly editing an image - though using it to create a completely new image is fine (as opposed to correcting mistakes that could have easily been avoided with a bit more care in the first place) and what is especially good at in a way the basic microsoft viewer isn't.

But all this justification is a long winded way of saying I've been using photoshop a lot more recently - partly to get images ready for printing on fabric on the big fabric printers at college which need files in a v specific format and size and also to invert images to make them into negatives for printing onto acetate to make cyanotypes with.

Anyway I finally made a lumen print I was happy with HURRAH !!!! I then took a colour digital print of it as without fixing it will change and deteriorate over time (though to guard against that it is now in a plastic wallet covered with paper and kept in a folder out of direct sunlight) and then using photoshop I made it into an inverted b+w negative for cyanotyping. My husband keeps urging me to fix it but I love the fact that it is so fragile and so alive still - even if that life will ultimately lead to it potentially disappearing - I'm a fan of deliberate photographic decay.

I've also had a go at flipping images along the horizontal (one of my pieces I'm working with most at the moment is an image of angel from the top of a grave in the victorian part of Cleethorpes Cemetery - and I want to try and create a piece where you will walk between angels and this is now nearer realisation as I now have copies of the same angel but each pointing in a different direction) and adding a copyright notice too - this is a very crude example but I will work on it making it more to my liking - in terms of size and placement and text but I was getting anxious about putting images on the tinternet in case they get used without my permission (and payment!!) in places - and this is a small step to stop that happening - though of course someone else with better photoshop skills than me could easily take that watermark back off again I'm sure......   

I'm really pleased with how the lumen print now looks like its own ghostly x ray cousin though and will be working on this process more - this one is made from bits from an easter decoration I got for half price on Easter Sunday when I was walking back from having had a wonderful monochrome Hitchcock and Farley Granger fix at the ever wonderful Hyde Park Picture House.

 On Saturday I went for a walk round on Ilkley Moor and took photographs on colour and black and white film - and am chuffed with how they turned out - though a picture of some graffitti showing a very long hand drawn cock in yellow chalk which I took in b+w looks much better in the colour film version taken by my husband. It's a rare occasion when I say something looks better in colour as my usual mantra is 'everything looks better in black and white' but on this occasion I am happy to be proved wrong.

And along with taking pictures I also picked up bits of dead fern, fallen leaves and other bits of leafy detritus to make a site specific lumen print of Ilkley Moor - and depending on how that turns out I might make it into its own ghostly x ray cousin too.

Going back to my post it note - I've also been a right girly swot this week as in I have actually done a strengths,weaknesses, opportunities and threats analysis of where I'm at practice-wise at the moment. It helped concentrate and organise my thoughts as well as remind me that I am still beyond glad not to be in that corporate soul sucking business world where business planning tools like that were used every day. Business speak - well any kind of jargon gets right on my tits frankly but some more than others and I dread being subsumed by it and using it without noticing but this can also lead to my not using approaches or techniques that could be very useful so it's something for me to watch both for and against in future. I mustn't let my initial dislike of something get in the way of its usefulness. 

I've also tried to make lists of all the projects I'm working on at the moment - where I'm up to with each one and what still remains to be done. I've filled out a couple of expression of interest forms (Kirkstall Arts Trail and Love Arts Trail) and also got a new list of images to get printed on glossy paper (though I think tracing paper will be hard to beat for a floaty ethereal look)and on adhesive too as I have some images I'd like to transfer to grave candles.

The other lovely thing I did last week was pick up a book again!! after feeling like I hadn't looked at one properly for weeks (though I had read a couple of books of wonderfully heartwarming and funny essays by David Sedaris and finished Still Alice for WI Book Club - not overly impressed with that one to be honest but here isn't the place to discuss it really) and I finally finished two and took them back to the library - one was about photographs not taken, one was about Baudrillard (not sure he's entirely my cup of tea though I like some of his ideas and approaches) and the very beautiful catalogue from the Drawn By Light exhibition at the Media Museum.

It really is a thing of beauty and wonderment and there are many gorgeous sumptuous images contained therein as well as some thought provoking bittersweet images too and I now have a whole new list of photographers to find out more about though top of the list along with Henry Peach Robinson and Fred Holland Day. It also includes a v handy easy to understand list of the different kinds of photographic prints with an explanation of which is which - a boon for someone like me who is an intuitive as opposed to technically knowledgeable photographer.

Along with lumen prints I also with the help of my ever patient, supportive and technically more competent than I am on a computer husband got pictures off my phone's micro sd card by using an sd adapter card device. I know how to use an ordinary sd card and how to get the images off it (the images in this blog post originally came off an sd card) but for some reason I failed to read the words ADAPTOR on the sd card adaptor in the drawer where things like the mp3 player cable is kept. DOH!!! For some reason although I looked at it a few times my brain just did not register the word ADAPTOR on it - I thought it was just the spare sd card but I've learnt that lesson now and have since made some acetates from images I took at the Whitworth the other week. It's a v basic camera phone but it's handy and I'm pleased with the shadowy self portrait images I've got and intend to make cyanotypes of them shortly.

I showed a portfolio of A3 size tracing paper images to some chums on Friday night and got very positive feedback from them - which was very gratifying to hear. Think I'll also take them into college for feedback from my fellow ma-ers at some point too. It's still quite a scarey thing sharing 'art' photos as opposed to 'just snaps of stuff' on Facebook when it's good to get likes but as they're almost invariably of either of my cats looking cute or the foxcubs down the bottom of the garden I'm emotionally invested in them in an entirely different way. One chum said that the 'art photos' were noticeably such because of the process behind them (almost all were film in origin before being digitally printed or made into cyanotypes) and because they are considered as opposed to just 'snapped' for in effect free on an sd card that quality of them shines through.....but part of me also is thinking these people are my chums and so might temper their criticism accordingly and so not give me the completely honest and constructive criticism I (think) I want.

Mmm as ever - much food for thought...and I'd best crack on with sorting out my printing from this morning.....  

MA-Ness Week 12 - Portfolio Hand In Time, Batteries, In The Flesh and End of Term Symposium

This weeks post it note,back of envelope and bit of cardboard rescued from a thankfully mostly empty recycling bin because I'd written a couple of things on it as I didn't have any paper to hand and wanted to remember it. 
And yes that is a purloined Leeds College of Art post it note....
It seems a bit odd to be writing this even though a round up of the previous weeks work is part of my usual Monday working habit - odd because it was the end of term on Friday and I am now 'on holiday' though my head doesn't seem to be able to quite compute that, not least because I've got a few things college-wise booked in my diary this week and because if I'm honest I'm not very good at completely switching off and I am often thinking of either new ideas or things I've promised to do and forgotten or things along these lines plus I am not actually going anywhere on holiday so it doesn't really seem like a vacation as such - maybe it will next week.
But I did treat myself to several glasses of fizz on Friday night - not least because it was Friday but also because I was celebrating handing in my portfolio for the Practice and Personal Development Module - it was a hefty tome to carry in, I filled an A4 lever arch file with my musings, deliberations and examples of my work and it looked like this:

Portfolio - projects were linked together with black ribbon as a nod to the victorian mourning custom of threading black ribbon through underwear plus it was the last of the ribbon I bought to tie the wedding favours together when I got married 6 years ago

It's open at the page that that is where I put a copy of the quotes I have on my workroom wall that inspire me - quotes from Elliot Irwin, Kurt Vonnegut, Man Ray and my beloved John Waters whose wise words about obsession help keep me going.

‘You can use all kinds of obsession. You can use obsession for humour, you can use it for style, you can use it for fashion. Obsession is great if it brings you pleasure and helps you make your living doing something you love. It’s only bad if you make the same mistake over and over with some obsession that brings you unhappiness.' 

Wise words indeed. 

Also I am very mindful of the words of my tutor who had said to me in a tutorial some time ago 'things always take longer than you think' and I have been trying to bear that in mind since - by giving myself as much time as possible when doing things - I hate rushing and stressing so I gave myself plenty of time to put it together. I did some constructive procrastination too - I tidied up a couple of shelves,put some new stuff on the walls - prints and postcards I'd got from the very wonderful Drawn By Light exhibition at the Media Museum. If you haven't been and you can go - you must for it is very wonderful indeed.

Again this is on complete contrast to the undergraduate me who wasn't as organised and did everything at the last minute and so wasn't as happy or as comparatively chilled either. Oh the advantages of being older and wiser and knowing myself better and what ways I work better. 

Once again I am so glad I decided to use this blog as my research journal and haver got into such a regular habit of updating it as it was then relatively simple but longwinded to put together the portfolio - I wrote an overview of what I felt I have learned over the last two terms, made blog into a pdf and printed it out along with copies of the speeches and presentations I've made and then examples of the work - digital prints on different types of surfaces of both film and digital pictures, cyanotypes, prints on fabric and the different methods of hemming - PVA glue is a wondrous substance, the different subjects of my photoshoots - though all deal with death and loss in different ways and I even snuck in a Spongebob sticker. I love Spongebob - he never fails to make me smile. 

It took me most of Monday to sort everything into plastic wallets, and all of my workroom floor and surfaces to then put then into a sort of chronological order and to decide broadly what was in and what was out and it was a mix of successes and failures (I included my unsuccessful lumen prints for example as well as copies of the images on the surfaces I don't think look as good though I was still slightly tinkering with this up to leaving the house on Friday morning. 

Though once it was in the bag to hand in (and thankfully I didn't leave it on the bus - my husband did say to me - can you imagine if you left it on the bus, which led to me holding onto it tightly on the bus so I wouldn't do this) I didn't look at it again - I just handed it over and signed to say I had done so.

It felt so good to hand it in - and fingers crossed it'll do the job in terms of the necessary academic hoop jumping to get a good mark too. In some ways the mark isn't that important as I am still learning with or without it but in others ways it is really important on a personal level - I would love to get a good enough mark to get a distinction, so fingers crossed it'll be okay though I won't know til near the end of May.

But Wednesday was also almost a day of great sadness and wailing and gnashing of teeth as I took my favourite 35mm camera (generously given to me by a chum) with me into college so I could go to St George's Field afterwards and take some pictures.  It was quite a bright day and it was almost warm enough to sit and enjoy my sadnwich in its peaceful surroundings - I didn't sit still for too long though as I needed to get moving again to warm up.

My fave go to camera is a Minolta 7000 D - it's quite heavy and clunky but it is also wonderful and I love using it - you can have it fully/part manual or automatic but the last couple of times I'd used it I'd noticed the shutter was sticking occasionally and the rewind didn't sound too healthy either. 

At times on Wednesday it stuck altogether and I had to switch it on and off again and kind of waggle it to get it to work again...I didn't trust that it had rewound the film properly and so asked the ever helpful Mark at the Photoshop on North Lane in Headingley (where I get all my colour films developed and scanned) to open it in the dark and I wasn't sure whether or not there would be any pictures come out at all. They had though- phew!!! and a couple I am really pleased with and they may well find their way onto a cyanotype near you soon....

Mark had a look at the camera and so did one of the chaps from the West Yorkshire Cameras Shop (the one in the Corn Exchange) who fortuitously was also in Lento's having a coffee. Both said the same thing - the shutter did appear to be sticking and to get it repaired might not be worth it - unless the camera had great sentimental value as it would cost a minimum of £30 just to get it serviced plus any parts and labour and you can buy the bodies for around £20....even though I'm not very good at maths I can do that sum....even if it is the camera I took Martin Parr's portrait on......

The first thing both chaps asked me was when it had last had new batteries in it and as I'd only recently changed them (2 films ago) we all thought it couldn't be that as they were so new.

But thankfully - it was the fault of the batteries as although they were (relatively) new they were zinc chloride ones which apparently are pants for cameras and what you need are alkaline ones - swapped to new alkaline ones and hey presto camera works properly again - PHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea about the different kind of batteries but have learnt this lesson well now and will only be using alkaline from now on. Even in my not very demanding alarm clock...

Cutting fabric prints at home was a breeze compared to the cutting out I did at the MA Symposium with students on the same course from Salford Uni - the scissors I use at home are left handed ones (bought from John Lewis many many moons ago) and they are one of the best things I have ever bought and I guard them with my life and keep them only for fabric. The scissors in was using at college on Friday - when trying to create an artwork mostly from things we'd found in a skip were right handed ones and they were tortuous to use. I have a lot of the cheap ones from Ikea that are suitable for left or right handed people - might have to take a pair in as I don't want that discomfort again - though I'm not likely to be making things out of a skip again anytime soon.

Bits of it were really fun - we were split into groups and my fellow ma-ers in my group both have very different practices to mine (painting and performance/installation)and it was fun to bounce ideas off each other, find out a bit more about each other and different approaches and it is always fun if dusty and a bit smelly to skip dive for materials and it was really interesting to see what the other groups came up with but I didn't like that we were being filmed whilst we were working - even though the camera people kindly told me they wouldn't film me or would edit me out - people waving a stills camera at me is bad enough but a video camera makes me feel very anxious and self conscious and I clam up and want to hide.

One thing I did discover though was my reluctance to walk on artwork - even when invited to. Another group were making a book and invited us to walk on the pages going into it. This felt vaguely sacrilegious - more sacrilegious than I had done something actually sacrilegious in the eyes of the roman catholic church many years ago. I think this is going to give me much food for thought over the next few weeks.

The other thing is the feelings of reluctance to hand over some of the pieces I'd been working on and in some cases handing in digital images of the work instead and also that even thought the internet has enabled us to have images of things at our fingertips about how we still prefer to see or experience things in the flesh - or rather mostly we do. Though it does feck me off at gigs when a lot of the audience seem to prefer watching it through a fecking smartphone screen or back of digital camera....I have been known to take the occasional pic myself, but they are occasional as I want to fully immerse myself in what is going on. 

This was brought to mind by a chum posting on Facebook a link to an article about the Cadaver Synod with a copy of the painting by Jean Paul Laurens - you can read the article and see a copy of the painting here and I commented that I would love to see it in the flesh so to speak.

Though I wouldn't want to walk on it - even if invited to do so by the artist....

Also went to see Tales of Hoffman yesterday at the ever wonderful and one of the best cinemas ever The Hyde Park Picture House - it was a feast for the eyes and ears, amazing sets, costumes and dancing. The doll sequence was especially wonderful and made me wonder if Michael Clark, Trojan and Leigh Bowery had seen it when they were little as there were visual echoes of it in their stylings in the eighties. Truly wonderful stuff.

And last but not least - I have finally succeeded in making a lumen print - I did this on Saturday whilst catching up with the housework I'd been neglecting this term - the dusting has been done, kitchen and bathroom properly cleaned as opposed to just tickled over with a disinfectant wipe,clean throws put on the sofa and that kind of thing. It's not a very exciting image but there is something visible on the paper which hadn't really happened before so next plan now I've got a better handle on the technique is to make a more exciting image:

And massive thanks to my ever patient and supportive lovely husband who managed to salvage this blog post from the hell of blogger not liking word and so copying over html language that made it look funny when it was posted but not when it was in the preview pane.......

Note to self when copying from word - do it as plain text or else it'll bugger it all up....

MA-Ness Week 10 - Ongoing Deliberations Of A Happy Accident, Symposiums and Thinking.....

this weeks post it note -
found some yellow ones and thought I'd use those for a change

The eagle eyed amongst you may notice there aren't as many scribbles on this weeks post it notes and unlike the last couple of weeks when I wrote this blog post at the end of the actual week in which it took place I'm back to my more usual Monday. I've been both really busy am symposiumed (and if that isn't a word, it should be) out and also distracted by mundane everyday stuff like the fact that the boiler has gone on the blink and this is both inconvenient is also disruptive and potentially extremely expensive....oh well.

So I shall start with the development of a happy accident instead - whilst putting away the prints on top of the copies of them I'd made on acetate so I could use them as negatives for cyanotyping (as I have said before the irony of being a self proclaimed goth and lover of all things dark being reliant upon sunshine to create images is not lost on me) I put one away upside down and as I looked at it I realised that I loved how it looked (you can read about it here) and so I have been further developing this happy accident by deliberately placing the acetate copies on the original printed images in different ways and then photographing with a digital camera the results, cropping or enlarging the bits of the resultant overlaid images that I really like and then making them into prints and copying them onto acetate to make new cyanotypes with. But when it's been prime cyanotyping weather I've been inside listening to papers so I haven't made any yet....

first cyanotype of this image

example of overlaid and further inverted in photoshop version

But I've also been experimenting with these resultant images in photoshop, the image above started out as one my husband took of me a while back at the Hepworth on film which I scanned the negative of into the computer. I didn't have the scanner set quite like we normally do and I preferred the vividness of the scan I did though sadly I cannot replicate it for other scans as I'm not quite sure what I did.

Initially I converted it into a negative for a cyanotype by inverting it and upping the levels and used that to make the cyanotype on tracing paper on the top, but by relayering the acetate on the print and then inverting that image I made the bottom one. I also discovered that if you then played with inverting it again and again - what was originally a b+w image on b+w film becomes a kind of yellowy or blue colour.

Obviously it's blue as a cyanotype but it's only been electronic versions of b+w images that I've been messing with in photoshop...might then try and make some further cyanotypes with those or print the resultant prints on fabric or tracing paper - must do some more lumen prints too.

So last term I was angsting more about doing more reading than doing, this term I've been angsting that I've been doing more doing than reading but it is great to be doing more doing. Though of course with this weeks symposiums I haven't been doing much doing either - other than listening and thinking.

Am hoping to rectify this inbalance of doing this week though and fingers crossed there will be some lovely sunshine soon instead of this not very bright grey murk...I could balance the light box on top of boxes of cat food again but I prefer to do it and get better results with direct sunshine. One of my fellow ma-ers told me he'd bought a sunbed for cheaps off Ebay and could do a cyanotype in about 4 minutes. And as tempting as that is I a)haven't got the money for that at the moment even if it is cheaps and b) I like the slow contemplation and ability to go off and do other things that ordinary sunshine cyanotyping takes and c)no room to store one - house already looks a bit like Steptoes Yard (though I would love and make room for a human skeleton and a bear) and last but not least d) buying a sunbed would be a step far too far for this darkness loving goth......

So the symposiums I went to - the first was an afternoon in the Treehouse at York University. Organised by the British Art Research School it featured papers on the memorialisation of anglo indian royalty, the visual portrayal of suttee in visual culture, the Fawsley Family representation in heraldic terms, an analysis of the role of animals in art - or rather the lack of analysis and appreciation of the role of animals in the creation of art, an analysis of some of the work by James Thornhill and his possessions and the 2 papers which made the most impression on me: the depiction of death in late medieval funerary sculpture by Dr Christina Welch and an analysis of the relationship between modern spiritualism and sculpture by Michelle Foot.

They made an impression partly because of the obvious enthusiasm of the speakers for their subject and the engaging way in which they talked about it and used slides which showed various aspects of what they were talking about well and partly because of the subject matter. I am visually drawn to cadaveric emaciated representations of bodies in burial shrouds atop of graves and the reasons why this representation was chosen by and or for the deceased memorial, the different symbols within them, their massive expense and how and why they rose in and out of fashion. 'Transi Barbie' will stay with me for some time as will her description of the work she is doing with anatomical artist Eleanor Crook - and you can read about it here.

I'm not sure when I first read about the work of Harry Price into the alleged haunting of Borley Rectory but it was that that got me interested in spiritualism (to read about - I have never participated in a spiritualist session) and again its popularity and comparative decline and it was interesting to hear an overview of this and see images of a very striking sculpture featuring a woman medium and her veiled spirit guide by George Henry Paulin but sadly I have no images for that - the speaker was given special access to view it and I cannot find an image on the web but you can read about his other work here.

The second symposium was practice led research phd ones at Leeds University - there were 8 in total and some were really heavy going word/jargonwise and I both struggled to follow and to understand them. Plus a couple of the presenters committed what is a big no no for me - namely read out some of their slides, I don't like this as I don't find it very engaging as I can read something quicker than someone can read it out to me (though not necessarily understand it) and I found myself doodling more and more in my notepad - a sure sign I'm not completely engaged with something. And I found myself writing a poem too - something I have not done in age, it needs a bit of work til I feel able to share it though.

I'm not sure how much of this was the presentation skills of the presenter or my misunderstanding/un-understanding of what they were saying, but there were a few good bits that stood out - Louise Atkinson's overview of her most recent curatorial projects, John Rooneys research into his Journeys on the A664 (which included pictures of the orange buses on my childhood and reminiscences on my part about Manchester...)

and most local Adam Stone's Site Orientated Investigation which included tantalising details and glimpses behind the scenes at the Merrion Centre (which also gave me the opportunity to see a copy of the Merrion Centre 50th birthday book with my name in it - though it contains none of the photographs I took though hopefully some will figure in the upcoming exhibition...as a celebratory commercial document I knew they probably wouldn't be interested in my uncommercial photography style but they used the phrases 'we will pay you whether we use the images or not' and 'you retain full copyright' plus it was worth it for a nose about behind the scenes though sadly I couldn't persuade them to let me into the old Odeon cinema...) there were also intriguing images by Fillipa Dobson and Jo McGonigal. It also gave me food for thought as to whether or not to pursue the research led phd route myself.....but am really getting ahead of myself there as need to get my MA first.

And then Friday was the most enjoyable of the symposiums (though of course you could just be forgiven for thinking that that is entirely institutional favouritism on my part - but it wasn't) namely the one at Leeds College of Art on The Process Continues which included presentations which looked at the teaching of art and creation of undergraduate art syllabi, the work of Tom Hudson in Brazil which included footage of a person being in/being an art work whilst smoking a fag (oh the days of being to smoke on the job) an overview of the National Arts Education Archive, Writing As Archive, and my two favourite presentations - Embodied Dreaming In The Archive by Sheila Gaffney in which she talked about the work she created and the inspiration for it when she was artist in residence at Cliffe Castle and which looked at how memories can be made tangible. My other favourite was Personal Archives and Oral History by Paul Bennett Todd - beautiful photographs of objects treasured by his grandfather which he curated after his death and words about those objects and what they meant. Both were heartfelt, revealing, moving and inspirational.

All of which is giving me (as ever) much food for thought - in terms of the work I do, how I present it, how I explain it to others, what form it takes, and how much to deliberately reveal of myself and how much you unintentionally reveal too...and how I've still not rearranged the archive visits I've been planning (I was beset with abcess related toothache and tooth removal and so had to cancel my visits) and that must be top of my to do lists for tomorrow.

Other thoughts occurring to me are to do with coincidence - namely last week when my fellow ma-ers were doing their presentations one of patterns inspired by urban graffiti made me think of some of the designs revealed at the 1951 Festival Of Britain as they share a similar liveliness and optimism and both are lovely and as a throwaway remark I said I was a teeny bit obsessed with Skylon. Because I am and you can see images of it here.  And then another fellow ma-er talked of his childhood and his memories of Skylon and its influence upon his sculptural work - I am envious of his experience of Skylon in the flesh as it were. What a fabulous thing it was.

The other thing I've been thinking about (again thanks to a fellow ma-er) is plumbers block or rather the idea that only artists and writers get a block as people like plumbers or nurses don't have the luxury of developing a block and just have to slog on through and whilst I think that's partly true I also think people can fall out of interest with their job (and some people never have the luxury of having a job they are enamoured with to begin with) and so slogging through is what you have to do. I have got into a much better more productive habit of starting work (and I have lots to do over the next few days as it is portfolio hand in time in couple of weeks) and keeping notes and planning to do work but today I have really struggled with it - it took me til after 3pm to get settled to do this and it's taken me over 4 hours to write - as I have been so distracted by non art other stuff going on which is hopefully resolved now....

And if you've got this far - thank you.....

   

Ma-Ness Week 9 Ongoing Adventures of Cyanotyping, Printing On Fabric, Potential Collaborations, Showing and Accidental Delete

this weeks post it notes

 Once again in attempt to both get ahead and keep up with myself I find myself typing this ahead of my usual Monday afternoon schedule, and I have had so much to think about this week - have been doing more cyanotyping and am reet pleased with both the process and the results and getting a bit more practiced each time I do it - both in terms of judging when it is ready, where best to place the acetate, and where the best and strongest sun is in the house at particular times and what kind of paper gives the best results. 

Tracing paper is still gorgeous but fiendishly tricky, water colour is uniformly good and reliable, this weeks piece on newsprint worked when last weeks didn't - suspect that was due to taking it out of the sun too soon and the leftover print from the the colour digital printing I had done last week has worked but also gone a funny kind of greeny colour - in a way I like but am not sure if it is reproducable.

10.15am is the optimum time in the kitchen to start one off now - plus I bought a bigger frame so I can do now do 2 A4 sizes at a time but I need to keep a slightly closer eye on it so that as the sun moves round no bit of it goes into shadow - I can do 1 A4 on top of the boiler, and up to 3 on the floor in the dining room which by 12 can be increased to 4 - depending on how strong the sunlight is - I can get up to 8 done a day. But the light isn't full on enough downstairs by 2pm which means I have to bring them upstairs for the last blast til about 2.45pm when it's moved on...

Lucia helping keep an eye on things for me

This process is also done under the supervision and assistance of my feline assistant Lucia who likes to keep an eye on things for me....and make sure that she is represented in almost all of my photographic work by being the fluffiest of cats and her hair features and has to be photoshopped out of almost every single scanned negative - in spite of my constantly wiping both scanner bed and film. But I not only have to make sure the sun hasn't moved round enough for them to go back into shadow but also to check that either she or Mapp haven't decided to take up residence on them. Cats are according to a chum 'heat seeking missiles in fur' and as it begins to warm up weather-wise I suspect I will have to increasingly guard against feline intervention.

End result of cyanotype in process in top left of above image- husband being all proper photographer on Filey Beach last February 

As I've said before the irony of a goth being reliant upon a sun (well uv and sunlight has strongest and best amount of uv) reliant process is not lost on me. I am also loving the fact that it is for me a real mix of 19th,20th and 21st century processes - in that the cyanotype process itself was popularised in the 19th century, I am using film which was popularised in the 20th and then the copying of the scanned image which has been inverted in photoshop and printed and copied onto acetate is a late 20th and early 21st century process - how is that for a time encompassing way to do things?
It is also a defiantly old school not completely uniformly repeatable art form which in this age of mechanical reproduction makes me smile. It also makes the bathroom and the back bedroom aka my workroom look like a strange laundry where only blue and white things get washed...and it makes you slow down and contemplate as it is not a speedy process at all..... 

I've also been experimenting with printing my images onto fabric - in this case silk organza as it has exactly the floaty ethereal other worldly look and feel I want, sadly it is also rather expensive (test prints cost nearly £6) and also rather fiddly to hem and I am going to have to experiment with different ways of sealing the edges against fraying - hemming by hand as I don't trust my sewing machine or my rudimentary sewing machine skills to sew a fine enough and straight line by machine, using magic tape on the edges, bondaweb or wundaweb and a solution of painted on pva glue....will try all of these soon and report back on their results..... and note to self - sort out white balance on digital camera as the fabric is a lovely shade of grey not yellow as this picture would have you believe.   

inverted memorial image for Henry next to gravestone close up on silk

So what other things have I been contemplating this week aside form a home production line of cyanotypes? well the memories provoked by noise after watching a documentary about Joy Division on BBC4 over the weekend as it featured not only one of my favourite bands, and lots of old footage of my home town but (almost) best of all actual noise of a old fashioned drop record and needle down record player.

And that sound took me right back to when I was given my first record player and the anticipation of what sound would come out of the tinny little speakers after the click, drop and connecting scratch and hiss and how although most record players with that mechanism make the same initial mechanical noises the noise that they then make is entirely dependant upon whatever record the person using it chose to play and whatever music the artist and producer created.

Same as a camera really - they all make a similar noise (even if that noise nowadays is a sound effect on a mobile phone as opposed to an actual shutter) and yet how different is each picture that comes out afterwards.

Plus it made me wonder about noises that I love and don't hear very often anymore except in my memory - record players that drop both disc and needle (the turntable we have is of the kind where you put the arm down yourself) the sound of Mum's metal knitting needles clacking (must record them if I get chance) and the sound of the door into my grandparents kitchen which had a squeak all its own - it'll have been long since oiled or sent to a skip though by now.... 

Project-wise - got a provisional yes from osteoarchaeologist to working together and meeting together next week to discuss potential plans - tremendously excited about this, got a yes from Kirkstall Arts Trail to being one of the artists work on show (YES!!!!! - very excited about that too)but got a no from the anatomy dept of the Medical School to my asking for an interview to discuss how the use of anatomy and perception of it has changed over the years - oh well, at least I got a reply of no rather than no reply at all.

Other things on my mind this week - the death of the lovely Leonard Nimoy who as the delectable Spock formed a bit part of my childhood died and his last tweet is worth repeating:

Life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had but not preserved, except in memory. 

RIP Mr Nimoy.

What else is preying on my mind this week - my clumsiness at accidentally deleting things off my memory stick - thankfully copies rather than originals but even so, it made me squink with anxiety when I realised I'd done it and because it was off my memory stick it was just deleted straight away as opposed to being sent to the recycling bin where I could have refound them...note to self - breathe and check before pressing buttons (it's like that old dressmaking adage - measure twice, cut once), the other thing I'm thinking of is how comparatively little reading I've done this week compared to doing and how hopefully that will all even itself up over the term but as a result of feeling bad of not doing enough reading I made myself go to the Brotherton to do some reading and absorb some it's lovely 1930's book soaked art deco gorgeousness, only to find it full of chattering students clattering away on laptops and bloody mobile phones with wires trailing so that they could charge up said items for free on uni paid for leccy.

Hopefully it'll quieten down a bit when term ends....the Art College Library is lovely in terms of the books it has, the extremely helpful and knowledgeable staff but it is also quite noisy and like an oven. Makes you feel like you're having a hot flush all the time which is not pleasant.

Also voodoo lillies came to my attention this week - a chance hearing of the phrase on R4 led to me looking them up and they are quite beautiful looking plants that stink of rotting flesh - I want to find one now...and see if they are as bad as described and if they are, could I incorporate them into my work somehow..........

The other thing that is on my mind this week is a conversation I had a with a chum in which I said I am totally owning goth cliche and (mostly) getting away with it (eg my putting of images of my beloved Peter Cushing in presentations) and she said it isn't cliche if you love it which I do and also in Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd August says to Lily on page 208 of the 2004 edition by Headline Books 'Actually, you can be bad at something Lily, but if you love doing it, that will be enough' and that is giving me a lot of succour and optimism in defeating the ever present but getting slowly but surely quieter and less insistent Captain Paranoia and this can only be a good thing.

....unless of course I go too far the other way....

Other exciting things are - had another guest blog post published on Unofficial Britain about my love of victorian grave poetry and you can read it here and I might have thought of a topic for my dissertation. Need to run it past my tutor first though.

So it's a mix of all go, all slow as the other joy of cyanotype is you can't rush it and it forces you to slow down and ongoing lots of exciting, thought provoking studies and opportunities...and long may that continue.

MA-Ness Week 8 Cyanotyping, Trying To Get Ahead Of Myself, Watching Others, A Dry Wank and can't quite read/understand my own notes....

Last week I tried to get ahead of myself by writing this blog post on Sunday rather than my usual Monday and this week finds me doing it today partly in an attempt to get ahead of myself, partly to take advantage of the fact that I've had a college free day today as most of my fellow MA-ers are in Poland and partly to do something so that I don't feel my original plans of having a reading day have gone to waste (as aisde from Farcebook and an interview with Laibach I haven't read anything of note so far today) and also to do something to stop my impatience whilst waiting for my latest batch of cyanotypes to dry....

I'm also trying to work out what I meant by some of my notes - in particular what I meant by BAF Syndrome - if you have any idea then please let me know.....edited to add at 17.45 - BAF stands for Blue Arsed Fly as I have been running about like a blue arsed fly most of this week. Anyone who knows the origin of the phrase - please do tell me.

It's been a really busy week not helped by feeling under the weather and waylaid by appallingly bad stomach ache either but I feel I have got a few things done this week - namely got some printing done with the help of the chap deep down in the bowels of the college - I printed or rather had printed some 7 images that I'd taken (2 digital - one of me and my husband at the top of a car park in Manchester taken in January and one of the view out of the window of the Chapel in St George's Fields taken last summer when the university very kindly gave me access to it, and 5 on film - 3 on colour film at Temple Newsam taken just before xmas and two of the same film image of a bench in St Marys Churchyard one inverted and one normal taken last November.

It was interesting to see how the different printing methods each changed the way the same image looks - the inverted black and white digital images look okay on canvas but the colour ones of flowers look like any of the canvas prints you can now pick up for cheaps in Ikea or Wilkinsons (not that there is anything wrong with that but I want my images to stand out not blend in with commercially available homogenised ones) plus canvas is quite expensive to print on.

The ones on matt A4 paper again look okay but nothing special but the ones printed on tracing paper (which joy of joys is the cheapest to print on) look by far the best - they have an ethereal translucent quality to them which I love plus they will look good either just hanging or up against a window or a lightbox and I am now planning to rescan the original negatives of them so I can get them printed to AO size without losing any of the quality of the original image.

Think I will also have to try and retake/ remake some of them on 120 film aka medium format using my favourite camera - a Nettar Zeiss Ikon from 1956 which both looks fabulous and is a joy to use. Fingers crossed they will come out okay though...aah the unpredictable joy and difficulty of using film without that handy screen on the back of the camera reassuring you that yes it's working or immediately telling you no, it isn't so change your settings......

Which leads me nicely into the unpredictable joy of cyanotypes too - I prepared a lot of pieces of paper with solution earlier this week, including some more grey paper which I really like (see top image above which is printed on it) and another piece of tracing paper but alas I am a tad too heavy handed with that and have torn the corner slightly plus it is a bit of a bugger to work it as it is so flimsy and folds over on itself so easily, and some water colour paper, the offcuts of the paper I had my images printed onto in the college darkroom (I want to make full use of everything and waste as little as possible) and some newsprint which I won't be using for cyanotyping again as it doesn't hold the solution well enough.

I also experimented with different shapes on the surface of the paper (circles, squares) and am v pleased with the circular one - though part of me is thinking maybe I should have left it in the sun a little longer but it clouded over and I thought I saw a spot of rain on the window.....and of course it brightened up again whilst I was washing it but a chum has said it has an opening credits of Bagpuss quality about it, another has said it looks v victorian and another said 'they have a very errie quality-a bit like what might stay with you after waking up from a dream' which pleases me enormously, plus hopefully once they are dried and framed they will look even better. I have started saving the dying petals from the bunches of flowers I have to go in the frames and I intend to pick some site specific flowers too if possible.

So lessons learnt - different papers/printing surfaces make a massive difference, I need to curb my impatience, practice at drawing/painting a circle and not to lose sight of the fact that this is the best photographic fun I've had in ages and as much as I love the college darkroom I'm happier at home where I'm in as much control as I can be of the process - ie no-one except a cat walking past to look at what I'm doing and no-one to dry or drain anything else on top of what I'm trying to do. Plus I am loving it's haptic hands on physical interaction as opposed to just clicking a button on a machine - though to be fair that is involved too, either with the original image or transferring it onto acetate to then put on the cyanotype paper.

Plus as I said before cyanotyping is a victorian process in origin and it was popularised by a woman called Anna Atkins (details about her here) so it warms the cockles of my victorian era loving feminist heart. However the irony of a self proclaimed goth and lover of the darkness being dependant upon strong sunlight to create the images I want is not lost on me....but then aside from a love of gothic literature and lovely old black and white horror films and a fixation with graveyards I'm quite a crap goth really and even my hair isn't as black as it could be as it's a while since I dyed it and I haven't had chance to redye it and now I'm waiting til I get it cut or else I'll have to do it twice .....and it was a music subculture when I first came across it in my tender and impressionable teenage years and I am much much happier listening to lovely 1930's and 40's big band swing, or Frank Sinatra's greatest hits.......

But I am excited about seeing Laibach* in a few weeks and read with interest an interview they did for Louder Than War earlier this week (full interview here) (and I am writing this blog post whilst listening to Spectre and whilstling along v badly indeed..) and I was most struck by their response to the question about them being provocative:

'..We like conflicting situations, but we never provoked for the sake of provocation itself; we did it out of necessity, because by definition a work of art is no good if it doesn’t provoke – and that is a vital rule, valid in any political system anywhere.' 


and there is a lot of food for thought in that for me......not that I think I am brave enough to provoke....

 
As well as printing, personal tutorials and attending the last of the very informative Leeds In Your Lunch Hour lectures at Trinty Church by Dr Kevin Grady of Leeds Civic Trust I also attended the Feminist Art Event at Leeds Library yesterday which sadly due to stomach ache becoming intolerable I had to leave at lunchtime, but which featured entertaining and thought provoking presentations from Casey Orr whose portraits were a joy, Jo Hassall made me chuckle and think with her presentation which featured a hostess trolley and a scab picking finger ( I would kill for a hostess trolley)and the talk by Melanie Maddison about her feminist zines Shape and Situate and Colouring Outside The Lines was both enlightening and empowering. I bought copies of all her lovely zines and the Home Rules presentation by half of Bristow and Lloyd was also a joy  - but the morning was also beset by technical difficulties with the projection equipment and Kiff Bamford's talk about a photograph of a vulva by Henry Machionne as discussed by the french philosopher Jean Francois Lyotard left me completely cold. Partly because he read out his slide - admittedly it was in french but even so I can read and do not need someone to read things out for me - translate yes, but not read.

There was also mention of Derrida and (my beloved) Barthes which made me feel like it might not have been very accessible to folks who are not familiar with either of those I've just named, and also like it was bit of an exclusive club and I'm not sure how I feel about that except it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable,  even though thanks to my recent reading I have some understanding of the ideas and concepts and so am on the edges of that group. Is it being on the edge that bothers me? No because my discomfort is not about not being fully part of it but being fully part of it.

Which in turn makes me worry and think is it inevitable that we all become what we most fear and more than occasionally and possibly unfairly deride?....

And speaking of intellectual approaches, was chatting with a chum who is working on the last song for their third album (and who have also kindly provided me with a soundtrack for a piece of visual work I am hoping to start work on when the weather has improved a bit and so it won't be too horrible for my long suffering ever patient and lovely husband to lie down on the ground and pretend to be a corpse for me) and you can check out examples of their fabulous work here and how hard I am finding it approaching art from an intellectual angle as opposed to an immediate emotional response and how yes it does deepen understanding, change the way I look at things and think about them and think about creating them and what I am trying to achieve with them but how it also makes me think of my chum Jon who when watching a lacklustre phoned in performance from a band at a festival pronounced it ' a dry wank'.

And this is what I fear an intellectual response to artwork may become - a dry wank of a response trotting out standard philosophical approaches as opposed to something immediately heartfelt and visceral.

What else - earlier in the week I met the external examiner for the course who seems a thoroughly nice chap (and no I'm not just saying that because at some point he'll probably read it) and who gave me some useful reading recommendations and we also talked about the uses of flowers in memorials and how they differ from culture to culture - how they are mostly used to signify a death in the UK but how they are used as offerings in other cultures which them lead to a discussion about what we have left on graves and what we want left on our own. I once left a toblerone on my Nana's grave as she didn't like cut flowers (what use are they, you can't eat them) though she loved flowers and had a kitchen and garden full of them but she did love Toblerone so I left one of those on her grave instead. My husband said I'd made a tramps day....

I'm not sure what I would want left on mine.....what would you like left on yours?

I've been dared to put a picture of Peter Cushing in my next presentation which is easy as I've done that so far anyway but the sting in this tale is that it has to be a picture of Peter Cushing from At The Earth's Core which is not one of my favourites of his as he looks nowhere near as dashing in it as he does in The Curse Of Frankenstein. But never let it be said I don't rise to a challenge so will have to find one I like and one which will fit in context.....

I've been writing this for over 2 hours now and my prints are almost dry but not quite......I'm just too impatient.....

*I think Laibach are responsible for the most beautiful cover version EVER - namely their version of Across The Universe though I am also a huge fan of their more stompy dance music too - and just hearing the beginning of Tanz Mit makes me want to put on very big boots indeed....though my fave stompy big boots dance tune is still Lass Uns Tanzen by Scooter which I absolutely adore as it reminds me of dancing about in Whitby with good chums and also my lovely much missed friend Henry who translated the lyrics for me and they mean 'let's dance or fuck or both as we will all be dead tomorrow'. Fairly good advice there I think.